My Personal Midnight Sun
by Blutender-Engel
Summary: My way of SM "Midnight Sun" based on a Roleplay I'm doing with a Bella. // NOT completely parallel to Twilight!
1. Preface

**(To explain this briefly. This story is based on the Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer and a roleplay I'm doing (me as Edward, duh!) The characters and parts of the story belong to Stephenie, rest is from my and my partners imagination. Please keep in mind, my partner and I did not follow the books, or at least we didn't give a damn. We just made our own story. It might have similarities to Midnight Sun, but that was no intention/ It's been months since I read that. One more thing. My english is not the best because I'm not a native speaker. If you want to correct me, want to be my beta reader, you're very welcome. This story will go on with the roleplay of course and will be updated from time to time.)**

~Midnight Sun~

**Preface**

Since the beginning of my existence I'd never give much thought on a change. I couldn't ever have imagined things in my life would change as much as what happened in the last few months, even if my skill of imagination is complex, I'd never considered it to be like this. Fate didn't seem to interfere much with me. I was born in Chicago, 1901. My parents died on the Spanish influenza when I was seventeen. It almost killed me, too. At that moment, fate probably made its way into my life. I was saved.

My name? Oh there are plenty. _Bloodsucker _and _undead _are maybe the most unfriendly ones. _Cold one_ is some middle way. For those of you who can handle me, I am Edward. Edward Cullen.

And I am a _vampire_.


	2. She

***

**1. She**

It was boring. As usual. The school was beginning again and the crowds of pupils filled the

high school of Forks. My family and I just moved here a couple of weeks ago. We came down from Denali. The coven of vampires up there was really a nice little group, but with us Cullens we were just too big and that was neither good for our masquerade nor for our hunting habits. We surely care about not minimizing the population of our prey too much, but with so many vampires in a coven it would be an immense hunting territory we'd had to claim. Therefor it was a good choice of my _father_ Carlisle to move. And Forks, one of the most clouded town in America, seemed just right for that. My siblings and I started school again. And _again_ not only meant that we were having to do a class _again. _It means that we will have another two years here that we are able to live without drawing too much attention on us. We do not age. So we have to pretend to always do out graduation for the first time. Crap. Carlisle told me that was one of those many burdens we simply had to bear. He was lucky. He'll stay in his thirties. As a doctor. Accepted in Forks hospital as one of the medical superintendents. That was a more vivid activity than always repeating the same odd two years again and again in every imaginable town on the planet which gave us enough clouds to hide ourselves. So here I was now. Forks. A town with 3120 human beings and now... seven undead. I still can't say, being a vampire is a cool thing. Of course it has all its super amazing abilities and all that. But seriously. How cool is it, to be not able to make human contact for long? To see friends die away in front of your eyes? To crave for their blood? There are a lot more things that really are frustrating. Humans only would begin to miss them, when those things were already gone and lost forever.

As I walked from my silver Volvo to the school grounds I could already hear the first hundreds of heartbeats inside and out of the building. The young ones. Screaming, laughing, playing, joking... whatever. Since the first day was always crowded and the pupils were all excited, I really wanted to stay away from them as far as possible. I didn't want their every thought to crush into my skull. I hated that. It was easy to shut out a hundred of _voices _but not like a thousand. Well it was really hard on crazy first days. I quickly walked inside the building where I had my first lesson in, trying to seem as normal and human as possible, though of course as every time, everybody was starring, wondering, gossiping and _thinking_ about me and my siblings. We were the pale ones. The natural beauties. With marvelous skin, voice and body. Everything about us was on the one hand drawing humans towards us and on the other hand the humans kept a healthy distance, since they all had a good dose of fear towards us. That was good for their possibility to survive and it reminded us to stay away from human blood. We still are vegetarians. Carlisle sacrificed a lot of time in me to get me to this point of control about my thirst for human blood. I could stand it the best of all my other siblings. Though, I was the first one he taught, too.

The hours raced and school was as easy as every other year. Same stuff to learn. Actually it was really annoying. If I could only tell those poor teachers I was doing this kind of lesson for about the hundredth time and that I already had two doctors though I was technically just seventeen years old... I sighed, grabbed my books and headed outside the last lesson of the day. Todays thoughts were really strange. Normally it was all about holidays and boyfriends and the usual for hyperventilating girls. But today there was something different. Especially the thoughts of some boys around. _Uh..man! What a beauty she is! That must be the little newbie chick.. the Chief's daughter.. _I blinked shutting Newton's voice out for now completely. Then another hit me before I could avoid it. _That Bella girl...man she's so pretty, but looks like a shrinking violet to me...I bet I could I have fun with her though.. _I could see the face of the girl in their minds and I really had to admit she looked very nice. Brown, long and wild hair, wide open and chocolate eyes. I blinked another few times, pushing away the rest of the thoughts that were about to tackle inside my head. I avoided my brothers and sisters this day, too. They knew I had enough trouble with the thoughts of those hormone guided children, so they didn't want to bother me even more. Right after Jasper, our newbie vegetarian, I am the one who needs much time for just being alone with myself. I shot a last look at Alice and Jasper in the lunchroom and headed outside the building, walking over to the parking lot. Of course most of the people's eyes were on me again as I walked towards my car. I grabbed inside my pocket, taking out my keys and stopped at the front of my Volvo, looking straight forward. A red truck was blocking my car from getting out of the lot. I looked into the offside and eyed a young girl. Brown hair, chocolate eyes, full lips, darting a deadly gaze directly into my eyes. She rolled down the window of her truck, her expression hard and angry. "This is your car I presume? Perhaps if you hadn't taken two parking spots, I might have parked my truck in one instead of the field out yonder, causing me to have to walk such a distance in the rain." she said with pressure and her voice was ringing into my head. I took in every word, her voice like a melody so soft, though she sounded angry. Then I remembered. The thoughts. I knew I saw her before. In the thoughts of those boys... Bella was her name. It was definitely her. I remembered the pictures I had seen in the boys thoughts. It was her. But the way everybody thought about her..it made me sick to my stomach. As if she was a toy or price to win, every males eyes were on her today. Those freaking' perverts. I slowly stepped closer to the side of my car, watching her reactions closely. She seemed a bit irritated, waiting for something. I concentrated on her mind. Waited to hear what she really thought about me. Nothing. I tried to focus harder. Still nothing. I then realized I was staring at her the whole time and quickly looked around a second, disconnecting our looks. Then I shot back at her, putting on some apologizing face with a smile and a soft velvet voice. "Well...I'm sorry for making you walk through the rain and let you look like an idiot, if that happened..._Bella_." I said and paid just a bit more elegance to her name. Bella... Like bells in my head, such as her voice... "I can let that spot open for you from now on if you like."

I took another step forward taking a breath for a final word, but suddenly my whole body was on fire. My throat was burning from the inside. _Deep _inside. Her scent filled the air. A scent that was so alluring, I never smelled something like hers before. My head was spinning and I could just hold back a growl to come over my lips. I tensed, my muscles stiffened and my soft smile dissolved into a deadly glare, while I abruptly stopped breathing.. What was she doing to me? What _was _she? Immediately visions ran through my head. I wanted to threw myself onto her. Dig my teeth deep inside her throat. Draining every drop of blood out of her. But there were still people around who would see. I could kill her in a second but the people would be suspicious and see me move inhumanly fast. So I'd have to kill them, too. I tried to not focus on the burning anymore. I closed my eyes for a moment and exhaled in a hiss, not wanting to let her scent linger for longer in my lungs and let it destroy me from the inside. How could that girl be such a demon to me? My personal devil sent from hell to destroy everything that my family and I worked for so hard. If I'd kill her now, everything was over. So I had to hold back. Not only because of the girl, but because my family deserved to stay in this town for longer.

"How... how did you know my name?" her confused voice crushed into my head.

I realized that my gaze still held her eyes and she suddenly seemed kind of irritated, intimidated, as if my glare told her to back off. Actually that was a good thing, but now I wasn't so sure, if I was really so scary to her. I could see a devilish smirk on her lips as she spit out "Tomorrow then. I'd prefer not getting soaked tomorrow." and drove off with a loud roar of her truck. I stood still for more than five minutes. I counted the seconds. To be precisely it were 348 seconds until I found the strength to breathe again. I relaxed my muscles and got inside my car, pulling out of the lot and drove homeward. My thoughts never left the girl. How did she do that? How was just her scent able to drive me insane? I practiced long and hard with Carlisle, for over 90 years now and this simple newbie girl was able to let me look like a newborn? Bloodthirsty and unable to control myself?

No I wouldn't let that happen. I couldn't. How should I look into my fathers eyes again when I was responsible for a humans death? When I was a newborn, it was different. It were just Carlisle and me. When I involuntarily killed a human, because I couldn't control my thirst good enough, we just moved somewhere else. But with such a big family now, that was not possible anymore. I owed Carlisle a good life here in Forks. Without any trouble.

When I drove up the road out of the center of the town, into the closer woods, I could hardly see the street in front of my eyes. The most clearly thing I _could _see was _her_ face. Bella's. Her hazel brown flowing mane. Smoldering, wide opened, chocolate eyes and creamy, pink and full lips. I remembered her confused reaction to my last words I spoke to her. She seemed irritated that I called her by her name. Then suddenly it hit me. I was wrong. I did a mistake. I told her by her nickname Bella though she haven't even talked to be before. I just read it in the thoughts of the boys, that she wanted to be called Bella instead of Isabella. And anyway..why was it that I just couldn't read _her _mind. I couldn't read it spontaneously. Then I tried to concentrate harder. Nothing. Usually thoughts simply crush into my skull, screaming that they want to be heard from me. But with her everything seemed to be either the other way around or totally different and out of order. As if no rules would apply to her. I let out a sigh of despair. Maybe it would be good to get some other taste on my tongue and into my nostrils. Not Bella's... Again I could just see her face. I made it up into the driveway of our house and quickly got out racing inside. I hoped Emmett would be up for a little hunting trip and that he could take my mind off things. But my anticipation dissolved immediately as Alice ran into me with a huge grin. "Edward! Oh my dear brother! You met her! You met her!" she cried out and pieces of thoughts of her ran through my head. Bella in Alice's arms, laughing, shopping with her. Bella running though the forest with them, throwing herself on a deer. "Alice what the -" I exclaimed as I realized what I just saw. She had a vision. Of the future. That was her gift. "Yes! Yes! You will be happy with her Edward! She will be one of us! She will join our family! Oh Edward I am so excited about it. She'll be such a cool sister..." she continued and more thoughts of her vision crushed into my skull. I rested my head in a hand as I shook it. "Stop it Alice..no..NO...STOP IT!" I shouted angrily as I tried to get rid of what she said and what I saw. "No...not her!...Not her! I won't kill her..I won't..." I could see her again. But not as the times before. Her face was pale, her eyes dead, a deep glowing red. Her lips a soft violet and her expression hard. She blamed me...accused me for murdering her.. _Not her.._ I repeated silently, shaking my head even more. "NO!" I spit back at her and without letting her say another word I was pacing out of the house again, darting into the woods. Anger and fury overwhelmed my body as I flew over the soft wooden ground, merely touching it with my feet. I wanted to get out of here. Out of this mess. My senses took over and venom flooded my mouth as a deep growl left my chest. Bloodthirst again. The sounds and scents of the forest filled my head slowly, pushing away what just happened. I made out a little herd of deers and quickly raced into their direction, not even caring about to sneak I just overwhelmed them with my speed and threw myself on the big alpha. In a frenzy I pressed it to the ground with my weight, grabbing its neck to make it hold still as I forcefully dug my teeth inside its throat. My razor sharp teeth cut easily though the soft skin, slightly covered with fur on the front and I ripped deeper, seeking the blood inside. I let it run freely inside my mouth, let the liquid sooth my tongue and I swallowed and sucked harder. The blood ran down my burning throat, making it less painful with every gulp I made. As I finished drinking, the animal was drained, dead. I stood up, cleaned my mouth and suddenly I caught a scream. I knew the voice though I first thought I just imagined it. But as there was another one, I was sure I wasn't dreaming. It was _her_. Without giving a thought what she might do in the forest I started to run into the direction where the voice came from. My feet going on faster and faster with every second that passed. Was she okay? What happened? Was she hurt? As I ran I noticed the forest turning into a thick carpet of fog, but still easy for me to navigate myself without any problems. As I reached her I was a few meters behind her, slowing to normal human speed now. She just stood there and then turned around totally astonished and frightened at the same time. "You. W...what are you doing here?" she hissed at me, but I could tell she wasn't angry. She was scared. I looked at her carefully and took a few short breaths to see if my throat was burning. But everything her scent did to me now was a soft scratching inside my lungs. Nothing more. I saw her making a step, to turn fully towards me and she was about to fall. I could see it in slow motion. With a quick pace I was at her side and grabbed her arm gently, catching her before she could hit the ground. Clumsy girl... I set her to her feet and eyed her with a soft smile on my lips, making sure she wasn't hurt. "Me? I live around the corner...What were _you_ doing here? Not the best weather to be in the woods for a newbie..." I said to calm the situation a bit and to distract her from the fact that I just moved with inhuman speed right in front of her.

"Oh? Around the corner." she repeated in a soft voice and met my eyes. She seemed stunned somehow and I hoped it wasn't because of my quick run. Suddenly she blinked and looked shortly away, her cheeks blushing lightly to a gentle mix of pink and red.

"I was taking a walk. I hadn't meant to leave the path, but the fog set in erasing the path from my view." she said and I could see there was more behind the surface, but I didn't want to sound pushy. "Do you frequent these woods often? I'm Bella Swan by the way." she added and looked up to the sky. Soft water drops began to fall down through the thicket and I could see the first ones soaking through her shirt. She didn't have any jacket on.

"Well..yeah actually. I'm often out for a walk and I do a lot hiking with my brothers." I replied while I took of my gray short coat. "Edward. Edward Cullen." my voice rang velvety but it it didn't seem to be any comparison to her angelic tone. I took the coat in one hand and offered it towards her. "Here. Though this time it's not my fault that you get wet, I can still keep you dry with this." I said with a smile. "I don't mind the rain. I'm used to it." I smiled wider.

She took the coat quickly and wrapped it around her small frame. It was surely way too big for her but somehow it looked lovely. I saw her taking a breath and then it looked as if she was swaying. After a moment she stood normal again and then looked at me with wide opened eyes. I augured ill...

"How'd you do that? How'd you catch me so fast?" she said in a breath, her eyes darting into mine demanding me to answer truthfully. Great. She saw me. I watched her closely as she took a step back form me, holding the distance. Actually this was a good thing. She _should_ keep the distance. But I didn't want to her to keep it through being rude to her. Still, it was impossible for me to just tell her. I couldn't. So I had to lie. Even though I hated to lie to her. I knew I was good at it and most people just believed me, because they were stunned by my very presence. Bella didn't seem to be so plain to believe that. So I had to be good.

"I'm a good sneaker I guess. I wasn't so far away from you. You probably didn't notice. I just had to do a quick jump and was at your side to catch you. Or maybe the fog just affected on your sight." I gave little pressure to the last words, making her think about her soundness of mind. Then I tried to change the subject quickly. "So...should I get you out of the fog? I still know the way..."

She frowned at me, looking to the ground, calculating. It seemed to work. But then again, she surprised me. Of course...

"I saw you Edward. You were... I turned to run, I stumbled and I was falling and out of nowhere you were there." she insisted utterly confused. Then she seemed calculating again. After a few seconds she looked back at me. "Perhaps you're right. Maybe it's just the fog. Maybe I didn't see you. Please, lead the way."

She obviously didn't buy it... great. So I was going to be more careful. She was very observant and stubborn, too it seemed. I nodded at her and showed her the direction we had to go and I led the way, every few seconds looking back at her to make sure she was alright.

"May I ask you something? Why are you so... you looked at me earlier as if I had offended you in the parking lot. Now you're being nice. I don't understand."

She remembered it. My face. My gaze. Yeah it must be really hard to forget _that_. I played a bit stupid.

"I...erm ..OH! You mean this morning...I thought you had a crash with my car and because you were waiting in your car instead of just walking towards me, saying you were sorry...I guess I was a bit angry...sorry for the look."

She smiled at me sheepishly. "Perhaps next time you'll be a bit more observant when parking."

More observant...not only with parking, I smiled to myself and guided her out of the forest. She led the way to her home, though I could easily make out a trail of her scent that would have led me there, too. When we were in front of the door she shrugged my jacket off and gave it back to me. I heard her heartbeat increasing to a soft but fast hammering then.

"So. Thanks I guess. For helping me find my way." she said with a soft smile and rocked back on her heels. My eyes held hers for a few but long seconds until I blinked. I had to remember to do that though I didn't need to. Her eyes were wide again, but not frightened. More awaiting. Expecting.

Then out of nowhere she looked away, her heart skipped a beat. I put on my coat again and took a few deep breaths, but not too obviously for her to see that. Her scent was all over me. It was as if a blanket of her covered me, cradled me tenderly. What was she doing to me? And what was I doing to _her_? I could feel a soft stretch in my chest as I slowly turned to walk. "You're welcome, no problem. If you want to have a walk sometime, just ask and then I'll play your leader. I guess....we'll see us tomorrow then." I smiled, her scent still lifting my head to unknown heights. I turned around and called out over my shoulder as I walked away. "I'll leave you an open spot..."

I made my way home, my thoughts spinning only about her. It was already getting dark as I reached the house and raced through the door. Again I could hear Alice calling for me, but she was already running into me, embracing me in a lovely hug. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Alice..don't.." I began but she cut me off.

"Edward! You made it! I'm so proud of you dear brother! See? It's getting easier with her, does it? She's so cute, isn't she? I told you she's the one Edward! She gonna fit so perfectly into our family and at your side. I can't wait to see her join our family-"

"Alice! Shut up! _Please..._ " I said and let myself fall down into the couch and my head into my hands. She sat down next to me a second later and I felt her hand soothing on my back.

_What is it, Edward..? Are you still upset that I saw her as a vampire? You know I can't control what I see..._

"I know Alice..I know. I just.. I _care_ about her. And I mean.. really _care_. I want her to be alive and not some bloodsucking thing like me.." I sighed frustrated and disgusted about my own kind.

_But Edward... you don't seem to understand.. She is the _one_.. don't you see? Can't you see how perfect you fit to one another?_

"All I can see is that I never wanted a humans blood so badly as I want hers... And I look at myself disgusted when thinking about ripping her throat out..." I exclaimed, the pictures of Alice's vision breaking inside of my head again. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my palms against my temples, fury starting again. "I don't want it to be like that Alice. I won't let that happen. I won't let it end like that... I won't let her become like me.."

She sighed and I could hear her soft resign in thoughts. _Alright.. I can see your point..I guess. You know the future is not set.. but I saw it more than clearly. You know that. It wasn't a blur. I'm sure about it anyway._

"Please...go.." I murmured under my breath and waited till she got up and walked up into her room._ Sorry if my thoughts hurt you Edward... you know I love you my dear brother... tomorrow will be another day. You'll see._

I nodded to myself and leaned back into the couch, looking up to the ceiling, letting her words and everything that happened flash over me for the rest of the night and every few minutes taking a deep breath to soak in the scent that was still in my coat.

This was the first night I could do nothing else, than think about _her_.


	3. Strange Things

***

**2. Strange Things **

In the morning hours I quickly got ready for school. My siblings were already on their way, giving me some privacy. I parked the car and let the spot next to me open, sure no one else would park there than _her_. I stuck to my word. The nights became colder and this day the asphalt was covered with a thin icy carpet and I was glad my keener senses made it easy to drive safely. I got out of the car and headed to the building, meeting Alice and Jasper on the way. Alice took me in a hug, her thoughts apologizing and lovely. _Sorry again for yesterday Edward... _Jasper greeted me with a short nod and a smile that instantly froze in a harsh gaze towards Alice. I felt Alice tightened her arms around me for a brick of a millisecond. "Oh my god, Bella..." she whispered and my head instinctively shot up. I could directly see what Alice was seeing in her current vision. Bella squeezed between her truck and a van that slided over the icy ground directly towards her. Without a second that passed, my eyes and body turned back towards the street and I felt my legs moving with invisible speed, racing over the parking lot towards Bella's side. The van had almost arrived and the only thing I could do was to hold out one hand, while tossing Bella with my other to the ground. My free hand smashed into the side of the van, its wheels squirming on the ice, not able to break by itself. Inches away from Bella's and my body, the van came to a stop. My eyes moved from the dents I left in the car towards Bella's eyes until I met her gaze. I looked at her in total terror and shock, hoping she was okay. She looked at me with unbelieving, wide eyes and then they rolled into the back of her head. She fainted. I caught her head before she could hit the ground and I saw blood running down her temple. Carefully I lifted her up into my arms, letting her head rest against between my shoulder and chest. I walked her over to the side of the schoolground where Alice already called 911. Just a few minutes later the ambulance took care of the van's driver and I carried her into the car, sitting next to her, till we arrived at the hospital. I added some pressure to my voice as I told the men I am capable to get her to the doctor so they let me go with her alone. Carlisle greeted me with a worried expression. Alice had informed him, too. Carlisle walked me to a free room and I carefully laid Bella down on the soft bed, guiding her head slowly into the pillows. I stood next to her, let my father do the check properly, though I could have done it by myself easily. I waited impatiently, but Carlisle just sent me out of the room. Frustrated I gave in, I knew he'd take good care of her, but I still didn't like to be away from her side. I stayed outside and looked through the window, watching every step he was doing. He came out and walked past me along the corridor.

"What..?" I asked sternly, but Carlisle just lifted his hand. _I will check her blood, though everything else seems alright. Get to her side now and take care of her. _

I let out a hiss and walked back into Bella's room, sitting down in the chair next to her. She was awake again and her heart was racing madly, the monitor next to her making it audible for human ears. She sat up in the bed and looked at me confused.

"What are you? I've thought about it and it just doesn't make any sense. You caught me yesterday as I was falling, yet you weren't even there until I fell. And you've done something to me, I feel... different somehow. And I saw you with your family this morning. You were so far away. You couldn't have made it to me in time, but you did. Are you some sort of superman or something?"

She totally caught me off guard. I knew she saw me stopping the van, but I expected her to be so confused that she would push it away as some kind of hallucination. But now she considered me to be not human. And I knew she wouldn't buy my lies anymore. She would insist that I'd tell her the truth. But I couldn't. On the other hand I couldn't and didn't want to lie to her. So at least I had to give her something.

"No..I..am not a superman or something.." I grimaced lightly as she considered me to be sort of a superhero. How wrong she was... "Look...I can't tell you. I really can't." I added with a serious voice, my eyes darting sternly into hers. We both were silent then for a long time, just staring at each other. It was like a silent battle. She wanted to know the truth and I wanted her to let go.

When the seconds passed, I let out a soft sigh and released her eyes from my gaze to look at the monitors. Then I looked back at her face, eying her temple. "How are you...?" I asked in a sincere whisper now. Suddenly I saw her sad expression and just a moment later I could smell salt in the air. In the same second a single tear ran down her cheek that was blushing to a burning red. She didn't look at me. I made her cry.. I hurt her. As she lifted her head and her eyes shortly met mine even more tears followed and I felt my chest ripped and torn apart. Did I do anything wrong? I saved her life... Did I say something rude to her?

"I'm fine. I want to go home." she whispered in a soft sob. Then again she shook her head slightly. "Why did you save me?

My eyes narrowed a bit into a pained expression. I really hurt her. Even though I just wanted to protect her.

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you...I didn't want to make you cry..." I said with only truth inside. I thought about her last words. Was it that irrational? Saving her life? Was there a reason to let her die, when I was able to avoid it? "I get you home then.." I added slowly and wiped the tears away from her cheeks. Her hot skin felt smooth and silk beneath my touch. She just looked at me, watching my features and I knew she was calculating, thinking about what I truly was.

"If I'm free to go, yes, please. But I'm hungry. Can we get something to eat?" she said calmly with a hint of curiosity. I didn't know what she was up to now. And I couldn't understand why she just was leaving it behind. Maybe she already had her theories. But why wasn't she angry, telling me she hated me for some reason? And why wasn't she scared to hell? As she looked at me expecting me to answer I blinked and got up. I totally forgot about her human needs. Of course she was hungry.

"Sure. You haven't eaten your lunch in school, remember?" I smiled at her and offered her a hand, "You must be starving right now. I'll get you to a nice café around the corner, okay?"

She just looked at me and nodded, took my hand and as her skin touched mine, a shock of electricity ran through my body. I gave her some hold onto me, making sure she wouldn't pass out again when we started to walk outside. My moves supported hers whenever it was necessary, but she was looking better again. My eyes never left her for long, just to look for the way a few times and to avoid her eyes, when she seemed to notice that I watched her. I guided her into a little but nice café and sat down with her in the back at a table for two. Her eyes looked up into mine enquiringly and calculating again.

"What are you?" she said again out of nowhere.

A frown built up between my eyes and I looked at her warily. The waitress interrupted the tension that was in the air. I motioned the lady to ask Bella first.

"Mushroom ravioli please. And a coke." she said without even eying the waitress. She just stared back at me. I waved at the lady, that I didn't need anything and waited for her to walk away.

"Aren't you hungry Edward? I know I am..." Bella's voice rang demanding.

I got back to her question, because I knew otherwise she would remind me anyway.

"You stick to your guns, huh?" I sighed, my voice low while I rose an eyebrow playfully. My soft smile faded quickly and I looked down onto my hands entwining my fingers a bit nervous.

"I said I could not _tell _you...you're allowed to guess, though." I went on slowly and hoped that this was not the most stupid idea I'd ever had. I waited for her to get that.

"If I tell you what I'm thinking, you have to promise me that you won't laugh or tell me I'm ridiculous. I have my reasons for thinking what I do and I can give those to you." she said serious as hell. I could tell it from her eyes and her voice. So I nodded.

"Okay. I promise... though if it's _really_ ridiculous..I might laugh just a bit." I smiled and was somehow excited about her ideas.

She bit her lip and considered her options for a moment before she started.

"You're pale as a ghost, your features a bit distorted though beautiful as they are. Your skin is cool to the touch. And when I say cool, I mean cold... below 98.6 degrees. You don't eat... at least not human food. I know you're not human Edward. Are you a zombie of sorts? The living dead? A minion to something or someone?"

She really was observant. I had to give her more credit for that fact. But as she mentioned _zombie_ I couldn't help but rise an eyebrow in disbelief.

"You seriously consider me being a zombie?...Do I walk like them or is my skin kind of...rotting? Well..you could throw salt at me if you like to test of course.." I chuckled softly, but then became serious again and made a motion to stay serious from now on. "Sorry...Not funny."

I looked away from her eyes then, down at my hands, playing nervously.

"You already know it Bella...you just don't want it to be real I guess...just say it." I said quietly and slowly, looking back into her eyes again. "Say it."

She seemed to understand as her eyes widened a fraction and her lips parted to a little "O". She knew it.

"Vampire." she breathed out in a whisper and started back at me. "I don't understand how though. You go out in daylight. You don't seem to kill people for blood lust. You're not afraid that someone will figure you out? Help me understand Edward." she said shaking her head lightly.

There she said it. I was a vampire. Somehow I felt the discomfort sweeping away, but on the other hand it made me even more alert. She wasn't screaming. Yet. She wasn't running away. Yet. How much was she able to take in, before she would realize in what danger she was in? How much can I actually tell her? About me? My family? I couldn't risk their lives, by telling her. It would simply be too dangerous for us to have a human around all the time, who knew about our nature. But then I realized it. It made no difference. I could tell her or not, it was already too late for both of us.

I sighed a little smile crawling onto my corners. She reached slowly over the table and touched the back of my hand. Again this electricity when her soft skin touched mine.

"Oh..sunlight..yes.." I said slowly and shook my head. "It's a myth. But it has a reason why my family chose to live in one of the most clouded areas on this planet..." I waited for her reaction, but she was totally still, taking in my words. "I'm...vegetarian...it's an insider, meaning I don't drink human blood. I prefer animal blood." Was she scared now? Hopefully she would run now. But all she was doing was toying with my hands, holding them gently. She seemed to realize what she was doing and quickly withdrew her fingers, leaving me a bit disappointed.

"Vegetarian is an understatement I think. Animals are not vegetables and vegetables don't have blood." she smirked with a frown.

"As I said..it's an insider joke...of course there are some of us who feed from humans...but our family decided not to...So we call ourselves vegetarians." I explained calmly. I told her, there _are _those of our kind who really do thirst for human blood. She _had_ to run. But she didn't.

"What's it like... being what you are? And does that mean that the others... your family... what are they?" she stuttered and I wondered if her questions would ever find an ending.

I frowned looked away from her, composing myself.

"Well yes, we are all..what you called us. It's.....lonely. Very lonely. But it's getting more interesting since I met you..." I added the last part feeling a bit awkward. But it was the truth.

She smiled sheepishly at me and tried to cover her burning red cheeks with her hair but failed.

"I suppose next you are going to tell me there are werewolves too. So how do we explain this Edward? People are going to ask why I am drawn to you. Why you are around me when you aren't ever around anyone else. What does this mean?" She looked at me and I just looked back at her totally stunned and perplex. I thought about her statement for a few moments before I understood where she was leading to. She thought she was the average girl.

"Wait a second. You think, it looks strange that I hang around with you...because you're _common_?" I asked rising both of my eyebrows in disbelief and then chuckled softly. "I don't think you see yourself clearly, Bella. You have no idea what the people think about you! You're not quite the boring girl from next door. You're...interesting. And you surprise me. I like that. So why should people wonder that I'm hanging around with probably the most interesting and grounded person at this school?" I said seriously but then had to smile as I noticed how stupid that sounded. However, she replied a warm and tender smile.

"I'll accept that as a compliment Edward. A lovely one too. Thank you. Though, I'm not sure how you see things that way. I'm probably the most awkward and clumsy girl at school."

She had a point in that. Was there a hole within a mile radius, she was the one who would surely fall into it. Actually she was a real danger magnet. If there were things about to happen, they would happen not to anybody, but to her.

"Yeah you're quite the klutz at this school, I already noticed that fact. Good thing there's someone with so fast reactions now at your side, huh?" I smirked over to her.

She seemed amused, too and she looked down at her fingers for a few seconds, fumbling with them. I noticed her heartbeat was faster than before. She was excited.

"You yourself are not a bore you know. And now that I know that you're a... now that I know what you are, I get to pick your brain about all the fun facts that go along with being... what you are."  
Of course she wanted to know everything. I knew that. Wasn't so hard to guess. I laughed lightly and rolled my eyes.

"Thanks." I grinned flashing a small part of my teeth, "I might be not the bore, as you so nicely put it, but I'm not quite the save guy either." I paused for a moment and thought about her bombardment of questions that would come. But I had an idea. One answer for another.

"Of course you're allowed to pelt me with your questions...if I may ask in return." I said with a charming velvet tone that made her heart skip two beats. How amusing. The waitress brought the food and drink to our table and I watched Bella patiently as she began to eat. It turned out that she only finished the coke and ate half of the raviolis until she was satiated. She leaned back into her chair, laying a hand on her stomach with a soft sigh.

"I think I'm ready to go home now." she smiled at me and I could see sort of discomfort. I didn't know why though. "I'll take the rest of this to Charlie. He's probably wondering how I got out of the hospital without him seeing and I'll bet he's already put together a search & rescue team to look for me by now."

Again she worried more about others than herself. How sweet she was. So selfless... But how did that match with me? I was selfishness in a person. So Alice wasn't so right about me fitting perfectly to her... I do no good for her.

I quickly waved over to the waitress and paid the tab before I stood up and offered Bella a hand to get out of the bench.

"I get you home. Hopefully you dad has not a warrant for me because I kind of kidnapped you from the hospital without a word." I said playfully and thought about the minds of the people I heard in school who thought about Charlie and Bella. The protective Chief. That must be really hard. I imagined that she had to do some self-defense and always got her pepper spray with her when she was out. "You can start your interrogation tomorrow then." I said with a crooked smile.

She quickly got to her feet with my hand and I could see her cheeks blushing again. What did I do know? Why did she blush? Something about her was drawing me towards her, closer and closer. Though I wasn't sure, if I could ever reach her. Suddenly she swayed and her eyes fluttered for a moment. She stumbled to her side with a short step, but I quickly held her closer to give her some hold.

"Wooh..easy..maybe you should lay down for a day at home. Just in case." I suggested carefully, locking my eyes with hers. "See? Good thing I was at your side."

"Tomorrow then.." she just said to my previous comment in a whisper and with a shy smile looked nervously to my hand that held her.

Weird. I wished I would get the possibility to just get a glimpse inside her head. See what she was really thinking. What was she thinking about me? Maybe she was already frightened. But I couldn't see it. She didn't show any fear. Well not the fear she _should_ feel when she was at the side of a killer. Oh.... she didn't know that one yet. Maybe I should quickly add that. no...that would be really rude. And stupid. I enjoyed to have her at my side somehow and for now, I didn't want to move from her side.

I took a few deep breaths and was amazed that her smell didn't send the harsh burning through my throat anymore. I really could handle it better the more time I spent with her. Either it was really getting easier, or I just got used to the pain. I didn't care as long as I could be near her.

Her eyes drowned into mine the same way my did in hers. The moment seemed like forever until she blinked and bit her lower lip nervously. Her heartbeat twice as fast as usual. Our bodies laid just lightly against one another but I could feel the heat of her very body as if liquid fire was dripping onto me. It wasn't painful though. She seemed irritated and I realized I was, too. My head was spinning. Not from her scent but from her touch. Her hand was still in mine and it was sending new waves of heat through my every nerve every time she moved a finger.

"I'm ready to go home." she said with still a shaky and low voice but with straight eyes.

"Sure..." I whispered and looked back at her curiously. What was it? What was it that made me feel so strange? When her wide opened, chocolate brown eyes look at me, I can't help but get lost in them, drown in them again and again. As if she put me under some spell I can not avoid.

I quickly stepped around her and led the way towards my car. Good thing Alice took care of those things. She was such a sweetheart. I opened the passenger seat and helped Bella inside before running to my side. No people were watching or paying attention so I just paced there with inhuman speed. As I sat down next to her I saw her shocked face, but I just smiled at her. Was _that_ scary to her? If so I had to do that more often... I shook my head slowly, almost not visible for humans eyes and started the engine with a loud roar, speeding towards her home. I tried to use the time of silence as we drove to think about the fact that she stayed on my side. What was it that made her stay. And what was it that made her _not_ run away? Maybe she fell for my beauty. As every other girl on this planet would..in the end. It was my gift and burden. We lured our natural prey with our beauty. So it would only be normal. But Bella seemed much too smart to fall for that trap. Suddenly the thoughts of Alice ran through my head again and they were really insisting somehow. Bella is the one... for me? We fit perfectly together? She..would join our family...

Suddenly I felt a hot blaze on my hand. She had reached out and laid her hand on mine. It felt so warm and soothing... I shivered once. But then I understood what Alice meant. Bella..

I was absolutely falling in love with her.

I let her hand rest on mine and I started to focus back on the street doing about 100 mph. After a few moments the burning on the back of my head left and I heard a fast hammering. My eyes shot to the side and I watched her closely as she looked back at me, stiffened and scared.

"Edward! Oh my God! Slow down! You're going to get us killed!" she cried out. "Edward, please. Slow down!"

Her expression was pure anxious. Her heartbeat and her breathing were so fast I was getting worried that she would pass out right next to me. I rose a brow and chuckled softly, my senses making driving as easy as taking a breath.

"Bella stop overreacting! We won't crash or something. I have the road in my mind and my reflexes are perfect. And no one will give us a ticket either. Guess there's one thing you still need to know. I can hear peoples thoughts..well everyones apart from yours. You're my first exception of the rule. -Anyway.. if there's an officer near us, then I would know that."

I slowed down, still driving too fast for this limitations of course. "I like driving fast..." I added with a sigh and eyed her a second later. "Better?"

She seemed to relax a bit, but pressed herself still hard into the seat. I chuckled softly again and looked back to the street, already close to her house.

"You can read thoughts, but you can't read mine." she said repeating my previous statement and before I could react I felt her hand on mine again, squeezing it ever so gently. I gave her a quick look, imagining what was going on in her head again. What was she thinking? It really drove me insane though I hardly knew her for two days. Her touch was driving me mad with thoughts I never had before. I wanted to feel the burning of her skin more often than that. Much more. I pulled up in front of Charlie's house and stopped the engine, jumping out of the car and walking over to her side, but she met me middle ways as she seemed to do the same. I waited patiently, hoped the silence wouldn't hold on for too long between us, because I wanted to hear her voice again.

"When will I see you again?" her fragile voice suddenly called with a soft sigh and woke me out of my haze. She sounded totally disappointed. So she was sad that I was about to leave? Was she? She wanted to see me or did I get that wrong? My thoughts raced back to her question and I frowned apologizing as I remembered tomorrow was hunting day again. We all needed to.

"I..I will skip tomorrow. My brother and I are...going to hunt. So it will be in two days then." I said gently and hoped she was okay with the answer. She wanted to know. I imagined the hunting trip as some personal torture from now on. I would be away from her a whole day, not able to see or call her. But I definitely would leave earlier to see her the next day. As her head lifted up a bit and our eyes met I was sure she was more than just disappointed. It pained her, hurt her, to be away from me. Then, without cautions, three things happened at the same time. First; a soft breeze passed Bella and me. Second; I took a deep breath, already searching for some soothing words I could tell her, to make her feel better. And third; Bella slightly tilted her head with closed eyes and leaned towards my face anticipating a kiss.


	4. Needs

***

**3. Needs**

My eyes widened lightly with surprise as I saw her lips coming closer to mine. Oh her beautiful, full lips... how warm and soft they looked as she parted them a bit...I could feel my body aching for her, the yearning for her touch, for her lips on mine, to close the distance between us. But as her scent once again filled my nostrils a sudden fire was set up in my throat. Deep inside in my chest it started and slowly crawled up, becoming more and more uncontrollable. I could taste venom that instinctively flooded my mouth and I quickly swallowed it, trying to push away the need that came to the surface. As it always did. It angered me more than words could ever describe and I hated myself for the decision that was clearer than ever before. I thirsted for her. For her blood. I wanted to kill her, even though I never felt so much love for a person since my very existence. My inner animal made my mind, my heart, obey. Unwillingly, disappointed about my own lack of control, lack of strength, I pulled away from her. Clenching my teeth and flexing my jaw I looked at her frowning and took a final short breath of pain. "I..I'm sorry...I really need to feed." I could stumble and noticed how my voice broke with the last word. Her expression changed as her eyes opened and she looked at me. She even took a step back from me, her eyes anxious and searching in mine for a better reason than needing blood right now. I could see the disappointment and the sadness overwhelming her, and a second later, even tears welling up in her eyes. I closed my eyes, trying to compose myself, trying to find the strength for more words, calming, soothing and tender words, she deserved so much right now. She didn't knew in what danger she was in right now. What I was trying to hold back. What my thirst made me think about what to do with her. As I could finally opened my eyes and found the strength again, no more than the words from before could leave my lips. Now with even more truth in them than before. "I am sorry."

But she was already walking towards the house. "Go home Edward." _Great. Really great. Well done, Edward. _I watched her getting inside and then sat down in the car, smashing the door shut angrily. _Idiot! You have to feed??? You tell her that while she wants to kiss you? Lost case..._

I swallowed the rest of the venom and headed back home, hoping Emmett was hungry, too and wanted some grizzly. With wild tires I came to a stop in our driveway and I shot inside the house as fast as lightning. "Emmett!!!" I called still in rage, not caring that he could even have heard a whisper of me. "What's it bro?" he answered as he walked down the stairs slowly. We looked at each other for a moment. _Man...are you angry? What's wrong? Did you notice that your fists are shaking, dude?_ "I need to feed..." I pressed with a harsh voice through my teeth and clenched my fists together harder than I had before, not even noticing it. "Much...much more than usually.." I added and hoped he was up for it. _Um...I thought we would go tomorrow.. well..yeah sure.. .Rose is getting on my nerves anyway. Alice is going out with Jasper by the way... More you say? So I finally get a grizzly..._

"Yes.." I said and without another word I turned around again and paced out of the house, into the forest. Emmett was a few hundred yards behind me, but I couldn't slow down for him to catch up. The thirst and the burning was just too painful to make it last longer than necessary. When we reached the upper areas, filled with lots of prey to feed of, we shortly stopped and made our choices. Emmett was lucky finding a grizzly which was totally lazy, already preparing for hibernation. But it really was a big one. I just shook my head lightly and let my senses overwhelm me, my instincts coming up to the surface. I inhaled the rainy wet air. Rabbits, foxes, elks, deer, squirrels... mountain lion. Perfect. And in this area. I growled excited and with anticipation. I knew _one _lion was hardly able to satisfy my thirst. My nostrils flattered, taking in the scents of a herd of deer near me and my feet carried me forward with the wind blowing into my face roughly. Venom flooded my mouth again, this time I appreciated it and within a second I had down the alpha. I did not want to waste time to feed, so I just slammed my teeth into its neck and injected my venom, slightly tasting a few drops of blood. I pulled away and did the same with four lionesses and the offspring. A whole family. I laid their bodies at one place, starting to feed from one after another till I almost threw up as I couldn't take another nap. _Gee... man! You really were thirsty.. Is this about that girl? Alice said -_ "Shut up Emmett... you don't know anything!" I spit back. How could he know? How could he understand? How did Alice dare...- _Sorry Edward... I just thought you might wanna tell at least _somebody_.. I didn't know you're such an ass about it.._ "I'm sorry. But you can't imagine it Emmett..." I whispered back with a normal tone and took a few deep breaths. My mind was clear again. At least in the normal definition. I could feel it. My head wasn't spinning. My throat not burning anymore. But I could still see her face in front of my opened eyes. No venom flooded my mouth as I imagined all the lovely thing about her. "So...?" I heard Emmett's voice when we raced home in a quite normal speed. "What is she like?" he smirked over to me. He knew I felt better. "Like nothing else on this planet, Emmett. I've never seen anything like her before. She's smart. Funny. Thoughtful. Selfless. And as beautiful as if a thousand angels' hands created her and God himself sent her down to me." I breathed as I replayed the images of our meetings with a smile on my lips. _Oh..wow.. she really got you under her spell huh?_ "Forever." I whispered.

As we reached the house again, I paced inside and threw myself onto the couch. Carlisle and Esme were out in the garden and talked about some old times and a meeting with the Denali coven in the next month. Jasper and Alice came back a few moments after Emmett and I had returned. I noticed Rose was arguing with him again but quickly giving in as they were to much drawn towards the other. I sighed and let my thoughts drift again, closing my eyes shut as if falling into an imaginary daydream. Her scent filled my nostrils and I could feel the warmth radiating from her body against my skin. Then the electricity slashed through the back of my hand as I imagined her touching me like in the car before. Her fingers soft and smooth, warming. Her curled, wild brown hair fell over her shoulders and played around the lovely shape of her blushing face. Then I could hear her voice running straight into my head, her tone like a tender melody, harmonic in every piece. The notes were so precisely in my head that they formed a beautiful song. My eyes shot open and I jumped over at the piano. With then again my eyes closed, I let the notes in my head flow through my body into my fingers and put them down on the keys, creating such a soft grounded rhythm, I felt as if my body was on fire from the touch of the notes...her voice. The melody was first lonely, dark and melancholic. At some point then it turned out to get higher and higher, lighter with its accords. And each beautiful accord seemed to be followed but just an even more mesmerizing and lovely one.

_Oh my Edward... this is so lovely.. you're playing again. It has been way to long since you played with your heart. You surely found the one with her her. There is no doubt. You _will _be happy with her my son. Now everybody has somebody to love._ I smiled silently as I heard my mother's thoughts and I knew she was right. I loved Bella. With everything I was. With every nerve and muscle of my body. _You're a lucky man to have found such a perfect companion Edward. And mark this – I am very proud of you, you know that?_ And though I didn't answer Carlisle's question, I was sure he knew it anyway.

I played along for a good few minutes and suddenly my hands froze and smashed onto the keys, creating a disharmonious, dark sound. I felt a heavy impact into my head, pictures of a vision that Alice was seeing at the moment and in my chest was immediately a burning, painful cut, so deep I thought it was killing me. I could see her. Bella. Right in front of my closed eyes. Lying on the ground, wincing, helpless and frightened as a dark haired man threatened her, his deep red eyes glowing in the rainy night. I knew where she was. Up the road into the higher mountains. She drove with her truck. Something happened and then - Oh god...

My muscles tensed and senses became keener in an instant as in the same moment Alice called out for the others to prepare to leave and save Bella. I quickly paced outside and into the garage, jumping inside my Volvo with Alice next to me and Jasper and Emmett in the back. The others, except Esme, took Carlisle's car. We raced outside and got ready for the upcoming meeting. It was a newborn and I wasn't quite sure if he was very dangerous for us. But he seemed out of control _and_ was about to get Bella as a snack. I growled at the thought of her being vampire bate.

"God – I hope it's not too late..." Alice cried next to me and focused hard on the street and on her pictures inside her head.

I pushed the car to its limits, pressing down the gas pedal completely as I saw the pictures, too. Bella slaughtered, ripped apart, drained... or worse. Deep growls were the answer of my throat. Suddenly I felt my rage ease, my muscles slowly relaxing and I knew exactly what was going on. My head was lighter than before, clear somehow, but also careless. "JASPER! STOP THAT!" I spit out with frenzy and focused back on getting my body ready. I knew Jasper just wanted to calm the situation, but I needed the strength of the adrenaline. I needed the speed inside my veins. It made my head work better, my senses more precisely. I took a deep breath ans snarled, catching Bella's scent that slowly faded through the rain. My mind was a roller coaster. And then I could see her. Lying on the ground next to her truck. A man right above her.

"Oh my god Edward...Hurry!" Alice shouted and with the rest I could take out of the car I raced along the street. Turning the steering wheel I slided the last few meters of the way to come to a stop a few inches away from the man and Bella. The ground was flooded from the pouring rain as we all jumped out of the car and were in a fighting position the second later. Alice stepped forward.

"You're in our territory and _not_ allowed to hunt here! Especially not humans!" Alice shouted angrily while my eyes were on Bella. She winced and jerked in pain, tried to crawl away from the man towards us. I looked back at the newborn, my teeth clenched such as my fists. Venom flooded my mouth and I swallowed followed by a deep threatening growl. "Get away from her!" I snarled, my fists shaking wildly. The adrenaline did its job. The newborn seemed not worried at all. He seemed amused. I bared my teeth, ready to show no mercy with that devil that had hurt my Bella. My voice became even sharper. "I said: Get – away – from – her!!!" I shouted now and within the blink of an eye was pacing forward towards the newborn. The vampire quickly switched into defensive position, but he couldn't avoid our collision. With an earth shattering _boom_ I crashed into him and threw him with my weight back into the forest with me. Emmett and Jasper were right at my side and together we stroke at him furiously. He was adroit and still had his newborn strength and somehow his mind was totally useless concerning me preparing for his attacks. It seemed as if he wasn't thinking at all, or at least not very clearly. So we were really careful, but as Emmett got a lucky shot at him and hit him pretty hard, we got a grip on him and pinned him to the ground. While Jasper and I held him down, Emmet quickly threw himself onto him and ended his life, tearing him in pieces. Now I could feel Jasper's soothing aura. Quickly the anger and rage faded and my muscles relaxed, such as the furious burning in my throat. We walked back to the others and I could see Carlisle checking her body for injuries and bites. Bella sat on the load floor of her truck, eyes fluttering. As we arrived at them, her head lifted and her eyes met mine. Within a breath I could feel that a load was taken off my mind. Her eyes widened a fraction in the second she jumped to the ground and paced forward, throwing herself into my arms, sobbing and trembling.

"Edward..." she murmured into my chest where she buried her face in.

I felt such a relief. All the stupid reactions, when we met earlier this evening were past and forgotten and all I wanted now was time to stand still, to make me hold her in my arms forever. The sudden warmth of her body that pressed against mine was soothing as always, but I felt she was getting cold since the rain soaked her completely. I slang my arms around her, kissing her forehead tenderly as I inhaled the scent mixed with the smell of the rain. She was here..breathing...alive.. and most important: With me. I pressed her a bit more into my chest as if to make sure she was real and cradled her back and forth.

"Shh... It's alright Bella..god.. I am _so _sorry... Are you hurt? Are you okay?" I asked carefully, taking a look at her. I knew Carlisle already took care of that, but it was somehow not satisfying enough. I wanted to make sure. I wanted her completely safe. She didn't say anything, just nodded with a soft smile that seemed to not fit on her pained expression. Effortlessly I lifted her into my arms and walked around to my car, sitting down in the back with her in my lap. She still shivered from the wet and I damned myself, that I couldn't give her warmth with my body. Alice was with Jasper in the front while Emmett stayed at Bella's truck, Carlisle and Rosalie drove home in the other car.

Bella's eyes were closed as she rested against me, her breathing becoming slower and regular, same as her heartbeat. A soft smile tugged her lips and made me smile in relief, too. She was alright. "Emmett will take care of your truck and when we're home I gonna make you a hot cup of tea..." I whispered and set a gentle kiss on her nose that made her smile a bit wider. "And I'll get you some warm clothes, too." I said and stroke a fingertip across her dirty cheek. Alice shot a playfully angry look into the rearview mirror and stuck her tongue out for me to see. "Actually: _I_ will give her some warm clothes Edward." We all stayed quiet for the rest of the drive. I let her rest. When we were home and I'd walked her inside, she had slung her arm around my waist to hold herself straight. I looked down at her questioningly and she bit her lip, obviously feeling nervous and uncomfortable.

"Edward, can I... I'd really like a bath. I'm filthy." she said and smirked shyly towards me.

I smiled back at her and stepped closer. With one hand I moved to her cheek and peeled off some dirt as I chuckled softly.

"Sure. Come, I get you to the bathroom." I took her to my side and walked her upstairs into the bathroom. Of course the ladies of the us Cullens set great value upon their natural beauty and they saw it as a thing of human habit that still lingered deep inside of them. The bathroom was their greatest treasure. Her eyes fluttered a moment till she could look at me straight again. She tilted her head and kissed softly into the palm of my hand that held hers. My eyes watched her closely as she turned away to take in the luxuriance of the room. She looked over the room in awe from the old fashioned claw foot tub to the state of the art stand up shower stall in the corner. She glanced over to a plush chair in the corner and seemed to notice a set of fresh clothes, a neatly folded towel and a bottle of bubble bath which was put there for her by Alice already. I heard her sigh softly.

"Alice really has a talent there doesn't she." she said not really as a question. A crooked smile crossed my lips then.

"Oh yes...she does. She really likes you Bella...though you might not know that...But you're already part of the family. They all like you very much." I said and looked up and down at her nervously now. Why? I don't know...She made me always feels strange ways. "Now get your warm bath and I warm up the living room a bit. You can imagine we don't really care about the cold, since we not have human visitors so often." I leaned forward and set a kiss on her forehead, smiled once more back at her and then left the room, closing the door for her privacy. I quickly walked out into the garden and took a few pieces of the stock of wood we had next to the house. It was for the chimney, but since we never needed a warm house, we never used it, too. I carried the pieces inside and made a little fire with them before I walked to the kitchen. I boiled some water and made a cup of tea that I placed at the living room table. The rest of the family adjourned to their own rooms and I sat down on the couch in front of the chimney that now lightened and warmed the room. The minutes passed by and it seemed like forever till Bella finally walked down the stairs. She had a big towel slung around her body and I could see a warm smile on her lips as she looked over to the neatly prepared place. She walked closer and sat down next to me, taking the cup of tea and nipping at it.

"This is... lovely. I guess I owe you another thanks for saving my life once again."

I let her sit next to me and turned towards her, watching silently as she drank again from her tea. Her features were so clean and beautiful as an angels and I had to remind himself not to stare. I rested one arm at the head of the couch and smiled at her shaking my head a bit.

"You don't have to thank me. It's already an honor enough to be at your side now." I whispered and leaned closer, my eyes carefully hovering over her face, taking in every part of skin, every feature I could see. "Do you realize that this was the most terrifying day in my life? I- I thought I'd loose you...again." My voice was carrying only truth in it but was shaky now. Not being able to cry was since I met her a cruel thing to me.

She looked at me, thoughtful for a moment. Then she shook her head.

"Edward, I don't understand you at all." she blurred. "One moment you're saving my life, telling me that you don't want to live without me, yet I try to be close to you, I try to be intimate and you brush me off pushing me away."  
I gulped. She was right of course. She had every reason to be confused. I thought for a proper answer but she went on before I could say something.

"Do you or don't you want me? I'm so confused by your actions sometimes that I just don't know where we stand." She sighed scooting herself closer to me to rest her head on my shoulder.  
I inhaled deeply, her own scent mixed with the sweet strawberry shampoo Alice always used. My mind searched for the words and then I decided to just tell her right away the truth. As usual.

"I do want you. You have no idea how much I want you...everything about you seems to put me under you spell...I want to be close to you. Feel your warmth on my skin. Watch you at whatever you're doing. And inhale your scent that causes such a cruel burning inside my throat. You can't imagine what your scent does to me. It was so hard when we met to be around you...your scent was so alluring it made me insane. It was such a sweetness I never smelled before. And it seemed like I'd loose control just by your scent...it's getting easier to be with you though. It just takes a lot control. And I thought I'd loose that the day we were so close." It came out more than a blur. I hoped she could even understand each word I said in such a fast speed I know it was hard to get. So I gave her time to get it and waited for her reaction.

She hesitated as she looked at me.

"What do you mean it's hard to be around me? My presence hurts you physically? Is it because I'm human? Do I smell foul to you or give off some strange vibe that messes you up? I... I don't understand. It sounds as if you're trying to say you love me in a bitter sweet sense. You love me, but it hurts you." She reached out and played with my hand, fumbling with it a moment and I could see she was thinking hard. Suddenly she withdraw to my disappointment and looked at me with tender eyes. "I'm not afraid of you. I'm only afraid of losing you."

Now _that_ took me by surprise.

She understood when she was with me, she would be in danger, no matter what..and she wasn't afraid? I first thought that she might have lied to me, but I could tell she didn't. First because I always knew when she did, because she was a horrible liar. And second because she had a normal heartbeat and breathing, despite the fact that my presence made her going all roller coaster style. So there was just one option left I thought. She still didn't get my message.

"You..you're not afraid?...How can you not be afraid when you know I thirst for you...I'm fighting over control of my body...my senses, to not kill you with a soft touch.." I whispered in disbelief and looked down at my hands, ashamed of the truth of my words...my needs.

Again she hesitated. But she didn't seem to think about him that hard. Something else was bugging her.

"Edward, I know that you will always do the right thing. I think I understand now that when you are not wanting to be around me or pushing me away, it's because you fear that you are going to lose control. And I can deal with being away from you for a short period of time so you can hunt or do what you need to do in order to gain control over your cravings or urges." She took a deep breath and snuggled closer to me before she continued. "I do fear. I am afraid. But not of you. I'm afraid of the others. Like the one we encountered today. What if you're not around next time?"

How could she be so kind to me? So caring and so selfless? I knew the urge to feed from her would always be there. Of course it became less with the time that passed, but still I could break her bones with a soft touch. I took her closer into my embrace as I saw her shiver once, grabbed the blanket next to us and wrapped her into it so she'd stop to shiver from my cold body. She accepted it gladly and snuggled into the warm blanket.

"I am not always sure if I can keep control and then I have to leave...although it cuts me up inside when I have to be away from you...even if it's just for a day or two." Then I thought about her last words. She was right again. What would happen if I couldn't be near her next time. I can hardly be around her twenty four seven right? Though that would be paradise on earth...

"That's what I thought about so often Bella...I thought it would be safer for you when I'm not around...that danger would leave you alone then. But it does not. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and be near you my love."

Her eyes melted with mine in a mesmerizing moment till she spoke with a voice that was never so smooth before.

"I have faith in you Edward. I hate being away from you too. But I think I understand now the importance of your hunting and controlling your cravings. It scares me more to think of losing you than it does to think of you hurting me."

I could see her cheeks blushing to that typical creamy pink reddish color and a smile was on her lips. "I love you, Edward."  
There. Those three words. I knew it would be beautiful, but I didn't imagine it would feel so..._sooo_ _intense_. My head was in a haze and I felt like I was flying, my body completely weightless. I looked at her for not more than five seconds, but it seemed like eternity while I repeated her words silently again and again in my mind. The voice echoing in my head was musically. Wonderful. I hardly notice that we'd leaned closer to each other.

"And I love you my Bella." I whispered so soft, I was worried it could break so fragile.

I never felt this way before, only heard from it from my brothers and sisters, but this was so different. I couldn't quite imagine how I could ever deserve the love of such a wonderful being like her. My head began to spin even more, but in a lovely way, and I leaned closer than before, now sure I had nothing to fear. I tilted my head towards her and gently laid my lips on hers for a kiss.


	5. Ways Of Love

***

4. Ways of love

Her heavy breathing floated my senses and I felt my head spinning, not knowing where up and down was anymore. I noticed her heartbeat increasing to a threatening level while she slightly parted her lips and pulled me closer, wrapping her arms tight around me. It was as if worlds collided. I could hardly imagine that there was something sweeter than her scent but now I knew better. The taste of her lips was earth shattering and my lips moved in such a tender with hers as if we were formed for one another. Fitting together perfectly. It was all so unknown territory but like my body yearned for it so many years in silence and now I thought my heart was beating again with those tiny electric impulses that exchanged through our bodies. I felt better now. Stronger than ever before since any other time I was with her. I pulled further into the kiss, gently let my tongue trace over her lower lip, always hiding my sharp teeth as best as I could. She again pulled me closer, deepened our kiss greedily and it seemed as all strings and irons finally fell off of me and then I noticed what happened. Or better: What did not. She didn't took a breath. Her heartbeat was beating to a nonexistent techno rhythm and the heat that radiated from her body nearly burned my skin. But that she didn't quit the kiss to breath frightened me. I gently pulled away, opening my eyes to look at her. "Bella...please breathe..."

At the same moment she gasped for air and I felt an immense relief. She took a few more deep breaths and blinked at me as if to clear her head. It looked so cute. As if she just awoke from a beautiful dream and now had still heavy eyes and was trying to see clearly again.

"Edward?" she whispered and it sounded more like a statement than a question.

"Yes my dear." I replied in the same soft murmur and I met her slight smile with my own, before she suddenly grabbed my collar and pulled me closer, crushing her lips back on mine with way more passion than before. I felt her tongue sliding over my lips, urging me to open my mouth and with the soft caressing of her tongue a moan escaped my lips, which she took advantage of. Her tongue slid gently to mine, dancing with it gently and in slow movements, not even heaven could be sweeter. Oh god.. her _taste_! Incredible. We both delved our tongues deeper into the others mouth, wanting more and more of each other and for a short moment I felt her skin on my teeth. Just a blink of an eye later she pulled away quickly and ran her finger to her lip. It was then that I tasted blood on my tongue. She cut her lip at my teeth. I felt my body beginning to tremble and my nostrils flatter. As I took a few deep breaths I calmed and felt steady again and then leaned forward.

"Let me help you." I whispered and very slowly traced my tongue over her little wound to seal it with my saliva in an instant. The little drops of blood laid on the tip of my tongue and I felt my head swimming, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined it. I could control it.. Though was hard. Extremely hard. But I was proud of myself even if it was just a bit. Silently I smiled to myself for a moment and then swallowed the mixture of blood and saliva, hers and mine. A soft tickle ran down my throat, but no painful burning. I looked back at her while she licked her lip in total amazement it seemed. She then stared back at me enquiringly.

"Edward. What would happen if you bit me?" she whispered but with a steady voice.

Of course she wanted to know. After all she was still in great danger when she was with me and I could loose control every second and threw myself onto her, digging my teeth deep inside her throat and...

"If I bite you and I let my venom spread into your blood system, you will probably be a vampire after horrible days of pain. But it's also possible for us to just feed without intoxicating our victims or prey."  
She thought for a long moment. I really didn't want to explain the details...

"So you can feed from someone without infecting them?" she stated confused, frowning. Then her eyes widened. She understood. "You don't infect your prey, because they ...die." Again, it wasn't a question, it was a statement.  
I bit my my lip, nodding in agreement silently, giving her time to let it sink in.

"We sometimes infect our prey, if it's really strong and could...well..._try_ to escape. The venom makes the body numb, so we can feed without interruptions." I explained carefully and paused for her to keep up. "The blood flows more freely when the prey is still alive while we drink. When we have to fight other vampires for example,...our venom has no effect, so when we prevail, we feed from them just to weaken them more, without injecting venom."

I took her closer into my embrace again and corrected the blanked, so she was covered again. I smiled gently down on her. "Aren't you tired after such a long and exciting day? Why don't you rest a while and I wait for you to awake again?" I asked, changing the topic, which really made me feel awkward.

Again she thought and then a huge yawn escaped her lips, which she tried to cover with her hand. "I am rather tired. Aren't you tired Edward?" she smiled with tired eyes and snuggled deeper into the blanket and against my chest.

"No...I'm not tired." I said softly and noticed that she already had her eyes closed. Oh god she looked like a sleeping queen of the angels.

After a moment I could hear her regular slow breathing. I took in a deep breath, her smell still sending chills through my bones. Amazing. I laid my head gently against hers and closed my eyes for short, taking in the very moment. The time she was in my arms, was so peaceful and nothing disturbed this time we spent together. I watched her chest rise and fall in a calm rhythm, her warmth still making me shudder every now and then, till finally the night became day again.

Curiously I watched as Bella's eyes fluttered and slowly opened. They looked still heavy and she quickly rubbed them to see clear again. She shivered and took a glimpse over her shoulder, not looking at me. She didn't notice me, did she? With a jump she suddenly turned around then. "Oh my god! My dad is going to frigging kill me! He's going to kill you!" she exclaimed and looked at me in terror, but I could hear her fast heartbeat slowly calming again after a few seconds and to make she she felt better I gently cupped her blushing cheeks in my hands, smiling at her. "Shh...Bella. it's alright. Everything is taken care of. My father told your dad, you had a flat tire in the middle of the night out in the woods and that you were soaked wet and that I picked you up when I luckily met you." I placed a tender kiss on her lips before I looked at her again. "You were exhausted and wanted to sleep with some warm clothes, and that's what you got here."  
She looked confused and also kind of relieved.

"You're not worried." she stated and smiled warmly. "I slept well. Very well in fact. Did you sleep well Edward? And by the way... good morning." Her smile widened.

"Good morning. I had a beautiful night," I said honestly remembering how wonderful she looked when she was asleep, "but I didn't sleep." I went on. "We don't sleep."

She looked confused again.

"You don't sleep? Ever?" she asked and frowned while she licked her lips quickly. Why did she do that? Did she want to taste me again? That sounded strange..but somehow I wanted to believe that this was what she wanted and what caused her to smile.

"No. Never. It's not possible for a dead body to sleep. To be honest, that would really sound strange." I smirked and thought for a moment. She was so sweet when she was dreaming. And she so often dreamed about me, it made my heart seem to beat again. I wondered. When I would be able to dream again, I couldn't imagine to dream about something else than her. Such a perfect creature of god, sent to give my life a meaning and my heart something to love with every nerve of my system. I suddenly felt something I hadn't before. The need to touch her was stronger now that she was so close to me and I simply wanted to feel every part of her body. Lay my lips on every inch of her blessed skin, to make her cheeks turn into a lovely red.

Reaching out to me she touched my cold cheek, running her fingertips gently down my flesh to my ear and then to the back of my neck, where she toyed with my hair and smiled.

Oh God! The feeling of her hands roaming over my body was so..soo..good. Every time she touched me, it was as if a lightning hit me and tossed me to the ground and the spell she cursed over me left me desperate and without any possibility to think. I had my eyes closed while she caressed my skin ever so gently and opened them when she spoke up.

"I want you Edward. I want you like I've never wanted anyone before. And I want you to want me, too." she whispered with a soft voice. I could hear it. Her desire. Her need for _me_.

I looked back at her with a light smile but also in disbelief. "Can..can you read _my_ mind, Bella?" I whispered and shook my head slightly. "You don't have to make me want you. You _are_ already the only thing I want."

Her hand slowly ran along the collar of my shirt and down my chest. It was as if I not even wore a shirt, so hot was her touch. She seemed to be thinking..no.. not thinking, but.. in fascination; playing in her own perfect world.

"No. I can't read your mind, but I'm drawn to you." she said honestly and her eyes moved from my chest up to my eyes where I could hold hers for a long moment.

I sighed.

"You know.. as the first exception of the rule...it makes you quite interesting for me. You always surprise me with what you do and how you think..when you tell me. Sometimes I wish I could read your mind, though." I looked down to our hands and smiled nervously. I couldn't handle that burning feeling inside my chest, that was so new to me. And it became worse when I lost myself in her eyes, when I touched her skin, felt her lips, heard her voice or smelled her sweetness...

She let her hand fall into my lap and entwined our fingers with each other playfully. Here eyes watched them and suddenly she giggled. Did I do anything funny? What's it now?!

"Sometimes I'm really glad you can't read my mind Edward. When I get around you all my thoughts go crazy like I'm wired to a bomb and about to explode." she chuckled.

"I know that feeling." I replied, flashing a row of bright teeth. Oh yes I knew that feeling all too well since I met her...

She seemed to think again, lost in her world still. I stayed patient, though I loved every second when she was talking and I could hear her voice. She still looked at our entwined fingers.

"Can vampires have sex Edward?"

My face went bleak. Every expression got lost. My eyes stayed locked with hers for a second and then I removed my hands from hers, taking a bit distance on the couch. I looked down, confused at her question. Was she wanting me that way? Did she want me _so_ much? "They..They can...but it's different for us. It's much more...intense and...stronger." I said slowly and then shuddered at the thought that occurred to me.

Would I be _able_ to love her that way? Could I truly love her like that?

As I looked back at her her expression changed, too. She looked miserable, sad and...forsaken. I instantly felt sorry for her and tried to figure out what I did wrong, what did suddenly cause tears to well up in her eyes and make her lower lip tremble.

Then she spoke.

"So you love me, but you don't want to be intimate with me? Is that it?"

Her voice was shaky. I could hear that she wanted to sound harsh or a bit cold even. She failed completely, her heartbeat racing madly and her breathing coming and going randomly. "I've never let someone get this close to me Edward. And I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it was a mistake. I think I'm ready to go home now."

Oh no...she didn't understand what I meant...damn. I rose in front of her to keep her in place, my eyes soft and apologizing.

"No..no, Bella! Please, don't get me wrong, my love. I love you with everything I am...and I want you and to be intimate with you..but you have no idea what pressure lays on me." I whispered. She really had no idea. Keeping control over my body when I was with her took so much strength from me that when she or I leave the other one, I'm always left exhausted. Making love to her.. even though this sounded like the most wonderful thing on earth to me... it would mean to control even more of me. Not only my strength. But also my desire and lust for her. I wasn't sure I could handle that. I lifted a hand to cup her cheeks gently as I went on to explain.

"Please Bella...don't be angry with me..It's just..that I don't want to hurt you. If I would just hurt you a bit I could never forgive myself. I'm not sure if I have enough control about myself when we're that close.." I paused a moment and felt that my body trembled lightly. "I couldn't stand to see you hurt Bella."

She closed her eyes and a few tears ran down her reddish blushing cheeks as she smiled silently and turned her face into my palm. I was unsure about the tears first and for a short moment I felt the urge to hug her and sooth the tears away. But then I remembered that her smile was a good thing. She must feel relief right now. I exhaled deeply, relieved, too.

"I believe you Edward. And I love you. I want to love you with all of me, my body heart and soul. I guess I just don't understand. Though, I understand the concept of sex and what it should be, I've never done it so I don't know what it's like between two regular people much less a vampire and a human. I suppose what you mean is that your temptation to feed would be heightened with the intimacy." she said as if to make sure. How could I ever deserve such a selfless creature when I just told her that I can't handle myself and am so selfish? She had a point about the urge to feed from her. I had to give her credit for that. But she didn't got the message for a hundred percent.

"Bella...it's not that my thirst grows with the intimacy...well that might happen too. But the biggest problem I worry about is my strength. I could break a bone of yours with a soft touch that turned out to be a bit harder than you can take." I said, my voice shaking with embarrassment and anger about myself. But she moved on, confused still.

"Edward, if you hurt me, wouldn't you trust me to tell you to stop? Wouldn't you think I would say, easy tiger, slow down. I'm not as fragile as I look."

I frowned and shook my head in disbelief for a second before I stood up.

"Okay.. concerning your point..." I began and motioned her to stay put on the couch. I paced outside into the garden and grabbed a stone from the patch which fit into my hand perfectly. I went back inside and showed her my hand with the stone, closing it with my fingers around it almost without pressure. I could feel it crumble inside my hand and as I opened it only bricks and dust were left. "Of course I believe you will tell me to stop. But that's not the point I mean. What I try to tell you is; it doesn't really matter if you tell me to stop, when I'm not able to anymore. And a single touch could be too much for you to take."

And then she said something which first took me off guard and second I felt my body turning into jelly though my muscles contracted and my blood literally run cold.

"Okay. So make me like you. If I'm like you, you can't hurt me. I don't have to worry about being clumsy or hurting myself. And... I don't have to worry about others of your kind seeking me out as a snack."

I knew my face went bleak, that's why she suddenly looked at me worried. My body was hard as granite and showed no motion anymore. My lips pressed together to a hard line, my eyes ice cold.


End file.
